The terrible twos

It strikes fear into parents, causes genuine apprehension and no end of questions. But what are we talking about? It's time to talk about the terrible twos! Even the name alone makes us tremble! But what exactly is it? And is it really as terrible as it seems?

Your online baby shop Maman et Bébé Nature has looked into the subject! Come closer — you won't get bitten. Well, probably not…

The terrible twos: let's make the introductions!

Also known as the "two-year-old crisis", it occurs, as the name suggests, around the time a child turns two. That said, this age is only a guide, and this rather abrupt change can appear from as early as 18 months — or even around 3 to 4 years old at the latest.

In practice, this phase manifests as repeated tantrums and a great deal of refusal from the child. In short, your child puts you through the wringer! But trust us — the hardest part of the terrible twos is what your little one is actually going through. Their emotions are all over the place, and they have no other way to express themselves than by screaming. In reality, this crisis is linked to the fact that your baby is growing and becoming aware of their own individuality. Specialists refer to this as individuation. Your child realises, in effect, that they are a person in their own right, and that they are no longer an extension of their parents.

The terrible twos: so what do we do?

And that is certainly the hardest part. A child in the midst of a tantrum is, in reality, a child who is developing and growing well! As such, a toddler in the throes of identity formation needs their parents more than ever, along with gentle, supportive parenting.

Rather than being met with punishments, or even ordinary educational violence (OEV), and shouting from the very people they look up to.

For these reasons, it is in a guiding role — rather than one of authority — that a parent can best help their child through this period. Obviously, this doesn't mean letting everything slide, but rather getting down to your child's level. And, therefore, trying to understand what they're going through.

A few tips:

• Avoid tantrums as much as possible, along with anything that might trigger them;
• Learn to let go (does it really matter if your child goes to bed at 9pm instead of 8:30pm? Especially since this is a period that also brings physiological changes);
• Try to find the source of the tantrum in order to know how to calm it;
• Stay kind — talk rather than shout, comfort rather than punish;
• Help your child put words to their emotions (the book "The Colour Monster" by Anna Llenas can be a great resource).

Easier said than done, we know! And staying calm and patient in certain situations can be genuinely difficult. But that's part of what being a parent is all about, isn't it?

Why the terrible twos are a crucial stage in a child's development

The terrible twos, though daunting for many parents, are in reality a fundamental stage in a child's development. It is during this period that a child begins to understand that they are a distinct person, with their own desires and emotions. This process of individuation is essential for their psychological and emotional development. In other words, the terrible twos are a phase in which the child learns to assert their independence.

The challenges of the terrible twos: how to get through them

As a parent, it is natural to feel helpless in the face of your child's tantrums. However, it is important to remember that these behaviours are not acts of rebellion, but rather expressions of frustration. The child, unable to manage their emotions, expresses their distress in the only way they know: by screaming or crying.

1. Understanding the triggers:
The first step to getting through this phase is to understand what triggers the tantrums. Is it tiredness, hunger, or a need for control? By identifying the causes, you can anticipate and reduce the frequency of the tantrums.

2. Staying consistent:
Consistency is key to helping your child through this period. It is important to maintain clear rules and apply them consistently. This gives the child a sense of security, as they know what to expect.

3. Using emotional learning tools:
To help your child understand and manage their emotions, it can be useful to employ tools such as books about emotions or role-play. These tools allow the child to put words to what they feel, thus facilitating communication.

The importance of gentle, supportive accompaniment

During the terrible twos, it is crucial to position yourself as a guide rather than an authority figure. A gentle, supportive approach, based on empathy and understanding, allows the child to feel supported in their emotional explorations.

1. Offering choices:
Giving your child limited options can help them feel more in control. For example, "Would you like to wear your red coat or your blue one?" lets the child make a choice whilst respecting established boundaries.

2. Encouraging autonomy:
Allowing the child to do certain things by themselves — such as getting dressed or choosing a toy — reinforces their sense of independence and can reduce conflict.

3. Looking after yourself:
Finally, don't forget to take care of yourself. The terrible twos can be exhausting for parents, and it is important to find time to recharge. A calm, rested parent is better equipped to handle the challenges of this period.

Seeing the terrible twos as an opportunity

Rather than dreading the terrible twos, see this period as an opportunity to help your child grow. Every tantrum is a chance to teach them essential life skills, such as managing emotions and making decisions. By adopting a gentle and consistent approach, you can turn this difficult phase into an enriching experience for both you and your child.