The four-year-old crisis

We all know more or less about the famous terrible twos. But have you heard of the fucking fours? Or, to put it more politely, the four-year-old crisis?! If you have a child that age, you might be right in the thick of it… And if not yet, better to be prepared, right?

The four-year-old crisis: how does it show itself?

A mini re-run of the terrible twos is under way, once again putting parents' patience to the test. Except this time… your child can express themselves much more clearly. And therefore, push the boundaries even further!

And yet, this phase is a normal part of a child's development — one of those famous "stages to get through". Knowing you're not alone can be reassuring… but let's try to better understand what's going on inside our little ones' heads!

In general, you'll notice in these tiny individuals an almost systematic refusal to cooperate. From then on, negotiations and sulking become part of daily life. Like a mini teenage crisis before its time, turning our little darlings into proper tyrants (are we exaggerating a bit? Maybe… or maybe not).

They can also say hurtful things to the authority figure. "I don't love you" or "you're not my mummy any more"… sound familiar?

How to get through the fucking fours more smoothly?

First of all, stay calm. Easier said than done, we know. But as usual, a child's tantrum will pass more quickly if you try to guide your little one through it rather than meeting it head-on.

Here are a few tips:

• Maintain authority: this is not the time to give in. Keep to your guidelines and the rules you've had in place from the start.
• Offer choices: this approach can work very well with some children. Instead of imposing, suggest!
• Highlight the positive: in the midst of all these negative vibes, it's essential to praise your little one when they listen and do something well.

The four-year-old crisis: parenting without punishment?

We recommend a few helpful reads to help you navigate the four-year-old crisis more easily — in particular Thomas Gordon's book "Parent Effectiveness Training" (or its French edition "Eduquer sans punir"), as well as the works of Isabelle Filliozat, such as "I Already Tried That" ("J'ai tout essayé").