HELP! My child isn't toilet trained before starting school!!!

"Help! School starts in a few days and my child still isn't toilet trained!"

Perhaps you're in exactly this situation, and the thought of the new term fills you with dread. Let us reassure you straight away: a child does not need to be fully toilet trained to be admitted to nursery school.

But why might your child not be allowed at school if they aren't toilet trained?

It's important to point out that schools have very limited budgets and frequently lack the necessary staff. A teaching assistant typically looks after around 25 very young children who have very little independence in the youngest year group. It is therefore impossible to provide adequate care if most of the children are still not toilet trained. This is why most nursery schools ask parents whose children are not yet toilet trained to keep them at home. This request is almost always made verbally. It's unlikely you'll ever receive anything in writing asking you to keep your child home, for the simple reason that it would be illegal!

Not being toilet trained is not grounds for exclusion!

Indeed, if you have no other choice but to send your child to school, there is no need to worry — no piece of legislation states that a child must be toilet trained before starting school. In the Education Code, Article L113 stipulates that "Every child must be able to be enrolled, from the age of three, in the nearest nursery school or infant class to their home, should their family request it." Furthermore, the law for a School of Trust, published in the Official Gazette on 28 July 2019, lowered the age of compulsory education to 3 years. Three documents are required at enrolment: the certificate of enrolment issued by the town hall, the family record book, and the child's health record confirming their vaccinations. Head teachers who refuse to accept children who are not yet toilet trained are therefore acting in breach of the law.

No stress!

There's no need to put pressure on yourself, and even less on your child — it could be more counterproductive than anything else! Until your child is ready, there is no point forcing them to do without their diapers, at the risk of delaying progress towards this milestone. Setbacks in toilet training can damage the bond of trust between parents and children, as well as the child's sense of self. If toilet training becomes a source of conflict, it is better to set it aside for a few weeks and try again when your child is more receptive. It doesn't matter if they're not trained by the time school starts!

What should I do if my child isn't toilet trained when school starts?

First, you'll need to let their teacher know. Then, the best approach is to try sending your child without a diaper, with at least two changes of clothes in their bag (or three if they're staying all day). You can slip a waterproof bag into their school bag to store soiled clothing without getting the rest of their things dirty. If you genuinely feel your child is not ready at all, you can also opt for training pants. Your child will be uncomfortable with the sensation of dampness, but their clothes will stay clean. Finally, bear in mind that the group effect usually works wonders! Children are regularly taken to the toilets in groups, and seeing their friends do it is often a great motivator. We've lost count of the number of children who weren't toilet trained at the start of term and were fully trained less than a week later!

If that still isn't enough, their teacher may tell you that an alternative solution needs to be found. Some will suggest your child wears a diaper at school, while others may ask you to keep them at home. In that case, we repeat: you are perfectly within your rights to refuse!

We wish everyone a wonderful start to the new term — and especially all your little ones embarking on their very first day!